technical difficulties

our average life is going through some technical difficulties at the moment, we will be back shortly…

shiv and shir pass eachother in the hall:

shiv:  oh look its the demon
shir:  oh look its the devil’s spawn child

not yahoo dear

It’s always good to go hiking with people that love exercising and are really fit:

sabz:  my body aches and every time I get up to walk my leg muscles hurt
moona:  I made it to work today…but just barely
MK:  my legs are completely lifeless
kamRam:  both my feet are broken
shlomo:  I’m allergic to climbing rocks now
aimless:  I almost cried when I climbed onto the bus this morning with half my weight in laundry.  And I did cry (well, I winged a little) when I had to hike up the stairs.

shiv:  why am I still fat?

sometimes we just have no other choice

shiv:  …and then i started listening to the conversation, not because i wanted to but because i have ears…

could you concentrate if dolly parton was your english teacher?

shiv:  I told him we need envelopes that don’t tore.
shir:  tore?  you mean tear?
shiv:  tear?  tear?  envelopes tear? 
shir:  you need to go take english classes.
shiv:  OH NO YOU DIDN’T!!!!!!!
(shir laughs hysterically)
shiv:  hey!  Dolly Parton called, she wants her boobs back!

two huge points of view

shir:  [deep comments about life, friendship, trust and loyalty]  Haven’t you noticed how much happier I’ve been lately?
shiv:  The only thing I notice are your boobs.

lunch with boobs…i mean boys

Lunch.

Table for 4.

Immy, Rayboy, Shivana and Shirod are pleasantly munching on their food when Immy brings up the issues in Iran.

Immy:  [something about Iran and what’s going on]
Rayboy:  [concurring and adding something intellectual]
Immy:  [continuing with some boring thing that we weren’t listening to]
Rayboy:  [adding another insight as we start checking out people on other tables]

Shivana and Shirod look at each other and roll their eyes.

Shivana:  I love how they’re having a deeply intellectual and meaningful conversation and we’re bored.
Shirod:  I thought boys only like to talk about boobs?
Shivana:  Yeah me too… lets not have lunch with boys anymore.

the art of art

Shiv:  We should come up with more emails for our blog now.
Shir:  Well you’re in charge of that while I add more to our other post.
Shiv:  But I caaaan’t do it by myself…in bed.  I need participation…in bed.  We can add more to the other post in the afternoon…in bed.
Shir:  hahahahahahahaha, ok.  ready set go.
.
.
.
(silence)
.
.
.
Shiv:  I got nothing.  That’s why artists get drunk to create stuff.  I totally get them right now.

smooth coverup

At a random bus stop:

Shiv: (loudly) OMG he’s SO ridiculous, I can’t BELIEVE he would do something like that!
Bahi: (loudly) IIIIIII KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!  He totally lied to me, we used to be friends but I just don’t think I can trust him anymore.
Shir:  (loudly) meeeeeanwhile, did you seeeeee what she was wearing???  I mean seriously, take it down several notches.
Shiv:  (loudly) I know, I mean C’MOOOON!!!!!!!!!!!  People like that just shouldn’t be allowed out of the house.

The three girls look around and realize that several people are staring at them.

Shir:  (loudly) well it’s a good thing we’re CHRISTIANS.

difficult life choices

On a particularly scary sherut ride:

Shir:  What is wrong with the driver?  Why won’t he stop yelling?  He’s freaking me out!
Shiv:  I don’t even think he’s taking us to the right place. I think he’s taking us to sell us as sex slaves.
Shir:  probably, to some fat guy.
Shiv:  what would you prefer…you were sold as a sex slave to a really really really fat guy or a really really really old guy?
Shir:  so like the fatness is in proportion to the oldness?
Shiv:  yeah, like the fat guy is as fat as the old guy is old.
Shir:  riiiiight, ok, so I would say I would probably rather the old guy coz the fat guy will be all sweaty and gross
Shiv:  yeah and the old guy would probably get so excited that he’d just die anyway
Shir:  good point.
Shiv:  great so that’s it.  When he sells us as sex slaves we’ll choose the old guy.

near death experience

shiv:  I think I am having a stroke, my eyes are doing funny things
shir:  yes, you’re having a stroke
shiv:  nevermind, it was only an eyelash